I have been a mom for almost six years now and today was the most challenging day I’ve experienced as a mom.
This morning while getting ready for school Bella told us that a boy at school touched her pee place. I talked to her about it and she said it happened in the classroom in the morning while on the rug for morning circle. She said it was on the outside of the shorts she was wearing, so luckily it was just through clothes. She said she told him to stop but he wouldn’t. She didn’t know his name. It’s only week three of school and she is horrible at remembering names. So we all finished getting ready to go drop her off.
She seemed fine when telling us about it but she did wake up with a nightmare and crawled into our bed in the middle of the night so we figured it was upsetting her on some level. I asked if she told her teacher, she said no because she didn’t want to be a tattle tale. I told her that if someone touches you in your private place that she should always tell and that it wasn’t being a tattle tale because her teacher really needed to know. We got to her school extra early so that the husband and I could talk with her teacher.
We told the teacher what Isabella had said and that she didn’t tell her because of not wanting to tattle. She said she had told the class that unless you are really hurt not to come tell her. I get that with 25 five year olds it would be impossible to deal with every little problem and issue they have with each other. We called Isabella in; she was outside on the playground with the other early kids. We wanted to try and figure out who the boy was. There are pictures of most of the kids on the wall a few weren’t there the day they took pictures. It was none of them and based on where Isabella said they were sitting on the rug her teacher figured it out. Her teacher also explained that no one was allowed to touch privates and that if someone did again to tell her right away. That she would never be in trouble because it was so important. I felt her teacher handled it well and the teacher was pretty upset it happened so I knew she was taking it seriously. We were just so glad Bella told us. I have talked to her about no one is allowed to touch you there but you are never sure how much really gets through to them at 5.
When we picked her up the teacher said that she had a good day and the boy had been moved away from her. So now they weren’t close at circle time. I’m not sure what else will happen with him I just wanted the teacher aware. It was so hard to not be so angry this morning but it was a five year old that did this to her and who knows where he learned this behavior from. It’s not like I want him punished, he could be being abused by someone and if so I want him helped and maybe this will cause someone to notice signs of abuse, now that they are aware this happened.
I worried about her and what happened all day though. I just want to keep her safe always, which is impossible I realize. I was angry at the situation but had no one to be angry at. I’m proud of Bella for letting us know and happy with the way it was handled at school.
I’m glad we were able to show Bella that we believe her in situations like these and to come to us and we will support her. I’m hoping that nothing like this ever happens again but if it does I want her to remember we are there for her.
So if you have children and they are old enough remind them that their privates are not for other’s to touch. Also that if someone does touch them that they should tell you or another adult they touch. The way for sexual abuse statistics to go down is for kids to feel safe reporting it.
I’m glad this was minor but I’m hoping that if it was an adult she would have behaved the same way by coming to us. It was the worse day as a mom I’ve had. I’ve had different kinds of rough days but not where my mom instincts were firing off and the impulse to protect my cub was so strong.
To learn more about child sexual abuse, signs to look for and how to get help check out this website here