mean girls

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I wrote this post awhile ago but it is still super important because as a mom I worry about mean girls that my daughter is going to have to deal with and that makes me sad. So far Kindergarten was the worst year for mean girls but I know that worse is to come. I’ve heard horror stories about the jr high age and that tween period with girls cutting each other down. I try to set a good example for my daughter so she wont be one of those mean girls and can have the confidence to deal with it.

Why has bullying and being a mean girl become so popular and common in our world today? Everywhere I go I’m amazed by the level of drama and meanness we are exposed to. It seems to be impossible to escape or avoid. This post came from two places really. One there has been a lot of meanness and drama in some mommy Facebook boards I’m apart of lately and tonight, I’ll admit it, I was watching The Real Housewives of OC Reunion Show. So was reminded that I had wanted to do a post on drama, bullying, and the rise of the mean girl.

Now I’m making no claim that I’m an angel. I have mean thoughts, judgmental feelings and can think plenty of rude things but I don’t feel the need to say everything that is on my mind. If you are doing something I disagree with and it could hurt you or someone else I will probably let you know, especially if it’s a kid that’s going to get hurt. If it’s just that I’d do it differently unless you ask me my opinion I’ll keep my mouth shut. Why? because I’m an adult and you’re an adult and you can do things your way and I can do them my way.

I am a part of a Facebook group of moms. Most of us ladies have been friends for years some know each other in real life and most don’t but we’ve heard about each other’s lives and kids since we were pregnant. Most of us have kids about 6 or 7 years old so a long time. We were all on a message board and when that started to not work we moved to Facebook. For the most part, it’s a great group of women. We have helped each other really bad times. There was a lot of drama lately and hurt feelings that I mostly tried to stay out of. It was unfortunate that friendships that had been going on so long were being torn apart. There has always been drama on Mom boards. Whether we are talking about, breastfeeding vs. bottle; Letting them cry it out at night; working out of the house vs. staying at home. There have been countless debates and wars over these topics. It worries me that there can be so much meanness, hate, drama, and such over differences of opinions. I think it’s no wonder that we are raising a generation of bullies. We as parents feel the need to pick a side and fight over everything it seems.

This is why we have kids hiding behind computers and phones bullying classmates to the point of suicide because they don’t know better. They have grown up watching everyone do it and no one says it’s wrong. Then they prey on whoever seems weakest and break them down.

I’ve already witnessed it starting in my daughter’s kindergarten class last year. There was a group of girls who were friends and would be mean to other girls. These girls were five and harassing other kids. The thing is that a couple of the girls I know who their moms are and their mom’s are mean girls themselves so they’ve witnessed it and are now imitating it. There wasn’t anything I could do about it. Luckily they were more annoying to my daughter than actually cruel or hurtful. I just explained as best I could that some kids could be mean and that she should try to not be mean back and if they were really bothering her to ask them to stop. If that didn’t work than she needed to let a teacher know. It was something I couldn’t stop but I made sure to monitor it the best I could. That way if a kid went too far I could step in and get involved. I think it’s best for her to learn to try and handle the situation, while I know what’s going on. As she gets older and if the bullying situations get more serious I will step in and handle them but she also needs to try to tell them to stop and let a teacher who is right there know what is going on.

I can’t solve all the bullying problems out there and all I can do is try to model good behavior for my child by not engaging in drama and keeping my cool. Also by staying involved in her life and knowing what’s going on.

Unfortunately a lot of moms don’t get that and become mom bullies themselves. They are bullying other moms on the internet and at their children’s schools. Setting the example for their children that this is an appropriate way to treat people. Let’s chose to raise our kids to treat others with respect.

Let’s empower each other and teach our children to do the same.